And finally, she is born. 40 weeks and 3 days — just before the doc was about to induce me!

2 days prior to labour, contractions started and I’ve had sleepless nights since then. I thought I was breathing the pain away really well and felt that it might just be possible that I could have a drug-free birth.

We went to the hospital when I thought I could not take the pain any longer. After all the months of research about what to expect, I thought I was at least 5 cm dilated.

I was so wrong. Nurse did a cervix check on me, which was really horrible and painful, and said I was only 1.5cm dilated!

So fuck it. It was way too early in the battle and to prevent further interventions, I’ve decided to go for epidural.

Fast forward to 8cm dilated, I could feel my lower back start to have a dull ache. Epidural is wearing off and no matter how many times I press the button for pain relief, the ache only intensifies. By 9cm, I could feel everything. Juvie went back home since I was 3cm dilated to clean the house for the coming of the baby. I was all alone until the very end, before the start of pushing!

It felt like constipation. Like taking a really big dump, but constipated. Plus the pain from the contractions and the goddamn annoying lower backache. Omg. Basically, I was in a lot of pain and I did not even bother about the number of people in the room. I just know that I need to poop.

So I began pushing. Eventually, they could see Lissie’s hair and they told me to stop pushing as the doctor was not here yet. He was actually having dinner. WTF? I decided to ignore that because I really needed to go! Luckily, the doc arrived right at that moment!

After a couple pushes, Lissie is out! They put her onto my chest after weighing her and nothing bothered me. Not even the stitching or the pressing of my stomach or the large amount of blood gushing out. All these without pain relief. Well, he did ask me to use the laughing gas but it did not work.

Nonetheless, that moment was so magical. After waiting for almost 6 years for a baby, she has finally arrived! I was staring at her face, her hair, her tiny fingers.. it was so surreal. She cried before the doctor even hit her and she latched on to my breasts so naturally and suckled. We had skin to skin for at least an hour and a half. It was pure love.

We love you, Lissie baby. Even before you were born. <3